If you’re overdue for dental care, I want to speak to you directly.
Maybe your last cleaning was years—or even decades—ago. Maybe you’ve been ignoring tooth pain or haven’t flossed in ages. If that describes you, please know this: you are not lazy and you are not a failure.
And to the dentists and hygienists reading this—you know this too. Our role is more than repairing teeth. The Latin root of the word doctor means teacher. We are teachers, coaches, and students of human behavior. We work inside the most personal space of the body, and what happens there is rarely just physical. Fear, habit, trust, and shame play out in a small space we instinctively protect because it affects breathing.
Much of our work is helping people find the courage to start again. People don’t skip visits because they don’t care—they skip because they’re tired, anxious, burned out, or ashamed. I promise you this: your dentist and hygienist aren’t judging you. They want you to come in. That’s their goal.
Over the years I’ve sat with thousands of patients who told me their teeth were “beyond repair.” People convinced they were the worst cases I’d ever seen. I’ve seen broken crowns, years of decay, complete neglect, recovering addicts, people in recovery, CEOs, new parents, and medical students running themselves ragged. Every time I tell them the same thing: “You’re here now. That’s what matters.”
Small steps on hard days
- Too exhausted to brush? Keep a toothbrush by your bed and use it dry—no toothpaste or sink required. A dry brush can help dislodge plaque at the end of the day.
- Floss one tooth. Yes—just one. Often the feeling of a single clean spot motivates you to do another, and then another.
- Forget to change your brush head? Put it on auto-delivery so you never have to think about it.
- Feeling overwhelmed? Book a cleaning and let someone else take care of you. All you need to do is show up.
Something is always better than nothing.
Beyond brushing and flossing, a few practical tools can make a real difference:
Xylitol gum. Xylitol is a sweetener that oral bacteria cannot metabolize, so it helps reduce cavity-causing bacteria. Chewing xylitol gum after meals also increases saliva flow, which neutralizes acids and helps maintain a healthy pH. Keeping a pack in your car or at your desk is an easy, evidence-backed habit to protect your mouth after snacks.
Creatine. Some research suggests creatine can support working memory and mood, particularly when you’re stressed or sleep-deprived. Many people find it helpful during times of poor sleep or high demand. It’s not for everyone—individual tolerance varies—but some find benefits when using a moderate daily dose. Discuss supplements with your healthcare provider to see if they suit you.
Magnesium. Clinical trials indicate magnesium can help people fall asleep faster and sleep more deeply. Better sleep often means less grinding and clenching at night, which protects teeth and the jaw. Magnesium also supports saliva production and quality—saliva buffers acids, delivers minerals that help remineralize enamel, and keeps harmful bacteria in check. This is particularly useful when brushing and flossing are inconsistent or during periods of high stress.
If anxiety keeps you away
You are not alone. I’ve reassured countless patients who fear judgment. My answer is always the same: “I’m not judging. I’m glad you’re here.” If sitting in the chair feels impossible, know that there are options. Some offices offer therapy dogs, blankets, or noise-canceling headphones to ease anxiety. Even looking at a calming photo can lower stress. If your office doesn’t offer these comforts, ask—many teams will accommodate reasonable requests to help you feel safe.
Rebuilding trust with yourself
- Keep floss picks in your car’s cupholder so you have a quick option after meals.
- Pair brushing with a favorite podcast or music—something you look forward to. If helpful, scroll while you brush using a flossing stick that allows multitasking.
- Too overwhelmed? Do half a routine or even a quarter. Brush without toothpaste, swish with water or green tea, and start where you are. Small wins build momentum.
- Ask your dental team to break care into steps. You don’t have to fix everything at once; gradual progress is fine.
Remember: progress, not perfection. You’re not bad at self-care—you’re living in a world that drains many people. Sometimes brushing one tooth is the bravest thing you’ll do that day. Sometimes lying back in the dental chair is the bravest thing you’ll do all year. And that is enough. I’m rooting for you. – Dr. B
P.S. If your dentist or hygienist ever makes you feel ashamed, you’re in the wrong place. You deserve to walk into any office and feel welcomed, not judged. If you receive a long, expensive treatment plan on day one, it’s okay to pause and say, “Can we start small? Maybe just do one thing first so I can get a feel for your work and the office?” A good dentist will agree. If they push back, thank them and find another practice that respects your pace.
There are many excellent dentists who will earn your trust step by step. Look for a team that listens, explains, and aims for a long-term partnership—those relationships change health for life.
Below is Remy, the therapy dog who worked alongside me in private practice. He helped countless patients confront fear and anxiety and find the courage to return. He remains part of the story of this work and is remembered fondly.
